Motherhood

Being a mom is not what I thought it would be.

I thought I knew how I wanted to parent a newborn. I had all these beliefs like that I didn't want to introduce a bottle at all until my baby was at least 6 months old. That went out the window at about 4 weeks old.

I swore to never EVER co-sleep, but when I was given a newborn who needed some extra love and attention, and who refused to sleep on his own, I gave in and brought him to bed with me when he was 6 weeks old. I figured that it was better for him to get some sleep, even if I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous.

I didn't want to introduce any medication to my sweet little newborn, because I wanted his body to learn how to work on it's own. Well, he started taking Prevacid at 5 weeks.

I promised that I'd listen to my doctor and follow all the guidelines, but when I realized that my sweet little man would only sleep on his stomach...that's exactly what I did. At 8 weeks old I put him on his stomach for sleeping and naps, and it has made the world of a difference.

And finally, I never EVER wanted to give my baby formula. Ever. But when my body stopped producing milk at 7 weeks, I had to start supplementing. This was the hardest thing to do, and it breaks my heart every single time that I think of it. To make myself feel better I have to remind myself that he wasn't getting enough food, and that it's better he's eating...but I still hate it. And to be honest, it doesn't make me feel better.

I guess what I've learned from being a mother is that I have to be flexible with my beliefs, especially since this is my first baby and all of my philosophies were based off of opinions and not real experiences.

I'm happy that my baby is sleeping now, and that he has a full belly, because it's making him happier but it kills me to give him formula. I don't know if I can ever accept that as a philosophy that I had to adapt to.