I Just Don't Know

Everyone keeps asking me if I have everything that I need. The truth is that I really have no idea, but I say yes just to make myself feel better. I'm pretty sure we're not even remotely prepared to bring a baby home, but I might just be paranoid.

I do know that my hospital bag should have been packed for about two weeks now, and it's not. I've been searching Google for what I should pack, and I've been enlisting the help of my friends, but there's one problem....everyone says something different. People have either packed too much or too little, but no one has suggested the same thing and I don't want to be the crazy lady with a suitcase at the hospital. That would take over-packing to a whole new level.

So, as of right now I have a bag with an insurance card inside sitting next to our bed. I clearly have my work cut out for me.

This has been an interesting pregnancy. I spent the first two months not really believing that I was pregnant. Then I moved into the thought process of freaking out since I've never actually been around a newborn. RJ kept telling me that it was normal to not know what to do, but I told him that he was only saying that since his oldest sister had her first child when he was 12 so he's been around newborns for half of his life. This state of fear lasted for a while. When we moved in January I started worrying about having everything in perfect order, and I finally felt normal. However, as normal as I felt, this was definitely the most stressful stage. I never want to move while 7 months pregnant again. I felt like we would never have a space ready for the baby, and even though we're still getting the baby's room ready with little finishing touches it makes me feel peaceful that the baby has at least a place to sleep.

And now, now I'm starting to head into a phase that I like to call sheer panic. I'm excited for the baby to be here, but I'm not ready for the whole delivery part. Last night I sat on the floor holding up a newborn onesie saying, "It's not possible!" over and over again. At first RJ thought I was joking, so he was saying things like "Yup. It's going to suck. Good luck." Or, "I think I'll just take a nap through the whole thing." Then he realized I was serious and started laughing. I'm glad one of us is calm about the process of child birth, because it's certainly not me.

I originally wanted to attempt a natural child birth, but now I'm not so sure. I thought that maybe watching baby shows on TLC would pump me up for labor and make me feel more prepared. Wrong. Never, ever watch those shows. Ever. After watching multiple screaming women, I'm starting to doubt my own strength and an epidural sounds fantastic...even now. How sad.

I'm crossing my fingers that my labor is nothing like the torture my mom went through. Hopefully this baby isn't as stubborn as I was.

Also, I used to cross my fingers every night that I'd wake up to a phone call asking me to sub. Was I ever lucky with that? No. But let me tell you something, ever since I was told that I shouldn't drive anymore I'm getting a thousand calls a day. It's maddening. If only I could work then I could get out of the house more and away from these baby shows!

I'm going to Wal-Mart tomorrow for a few things I have deemed necessary for the baby bag and a few groceries. Cross your fingers, because this baby is coming relatively soon and I need to be prepared!